Being in a relationship is hard. There is this whole other person you feel responsible for and you must spend your days caring for them and making sure they’re happy. You also spend a lot of time tip toeing around their feelings and it can be exhausting and over whelming at times. Then one day you wake up and they are not the person you fell in love with anymore and the once enduring quirks are now just annoyances in your routine and you can feel your love for them waning. You want to save this, and you wish more than anything to go back to the way things were. And you can see it in their eyes, the way they look at you now shows that they feel the same way. You feel as though you are both completely different people and you wonder how you let it get this bad and how you got here. So how can you fix this? How could you possibly make it like it use to be? It is going to be hard but fighting for the love of your life is worth every excruciating moment.
Eventually somewhere in the dystopian future there will be a way to read our partner’s mind, (because we all know we need it sometimes) but for now we must do it the old fashion way, talking to each other. I know you probably don’t relish the thought of setting down the person you love and telling them you’re bored of them, but this is the only way you’re going to be able to face this issue head on. It’s scary, to admit you feel like there is a problem in your relationship is a hard pill to swallow, but feelings are tricky and how will you ever know how your partner feels without conversation. Sit down together pour yourselves some wine and just talk. Tell each other things you miss in the relationship, reminisce about the older days, and find what you need to improve in yourself and each other. this is going to be a great way to pull you closer together and work out any tension or unresolved issues you have been burying and you will both be better for it.
Once you have found the issues and have come to terms with the fact that your relationship is on thin ice, you can begin to work on it.
Start it right there, make goals and promises to each other, nothing to vague or big.
Promise them to try and do the things they miss, like making time for each other. Go out on dates again, see movies or make dinner together. The small steps you take everyday will help. Make your spouse coffee in the morning or just tell them that you love them before you leave for work. When you go out together, look like a couple, hold hands, and enjoy their company. Rekindling a lost flame is hard, but if you are willing to put in that added effort to save your relationship, it will be so much stronger.
If you find that the person you fell in love with is gone, get to know the new one.
Interest change and people grow and if you look away for just a second to long you will miss their transformation. And it can be so beautiful, you may feel like you lost something, but you’ll find you have gained so much more. Maybe you’re different too and you feel like they haven’t noticed your growth. Help them, don’t grow distant and bitter because they haven’t made a big deal out of showing you that they noticed your journey. Share it with them. Tell them all the exciting things you have experienced, because maybe they didn’t notice or didn’t see how important it was to you. The biggest problem relationships face is the lack of communication. If you want your partner to know something, tell them! Remember how I said the technology to read minds doesn’t exist? People are full of potential for error, your spouse is not going to always fit your perfect ideal.
Realize your relationship is going through a rough patch, and that’s okay!
The media of today loves to paint pristine pictures of perfect families and perfect relationships, but what you must realize is, it’s all bull. No two people can live in the same space for long periods of time and not have arguments. It just takes one misunderstanding or once misguided attempt, to make your perfect utopia into your own personal hell. Working together to fix problems and prevent future ones is what being with someone is all about. You have to realize that there is no way to live together in harmony forever, and when you do eventually hit that dip in our relationship, you have got to remember that it will get better. It would be such a boring life if you always got along with everyone all the time and having arguments and differences of opinions is what builds stronger bonds. It just takes realizing that you want this and making it happen.
Finding that person you want to take on the world with is a thing to be celebrated.
And yes, every relationship is going to have its times of doubt, but how you deal with those is what will make or break your future. Having good and open channels of communication is key. It is the only way you and your partner are going to be able to deal with the bumps in the road. Finding out the issues and then making strides to solve them are the best ways of handling doubts. Stick to your guns, and if it gets hard, push through. Because dang it, you love this person and there is no way you’re going to lose them. Don’t admit defeat, fight for what you care for and make the most of your time together. No person deserves to spend their days sad and wishing for things that use to be. Stand up for what you want and realize that there was a reason you chose this person and don’t forget why.